Well today I feel a little better. I have to just share how yesterday went. I got up decided to keep Preston home cause I wanted him to be with me through the day. My mom in law called and was telling me where to get some flowers and I began to cry and AliPaige asks why and I tell her I just miss my Grandmother well her eyes got HUGE and said " I want to talk to her" She thought she was on the phone. But we finish getting ready.We go to get the balloons to tie the poem on, I go to the psychologist cause I knew it would be very difficult to go through the day without encouragement and he helped me tremendously. And prepared me a little for what I had in store. Then I go to Hobby Lobby spend a tremendous amount of money on colored Gerber daisies. They are my favorite. All the way to the cemetery I cut them into individual flowers and it toooook the whole ride there ( about 45 min). We get there and the kids were wonderful at helping and they kept saying Grandmother will like this and God will like it to. After we were done I made Josh go take the kids to the car and I stayed and shared my poem with her which by the way was terribly difficult. But I held on to the one tied to the balloons and I couldn't let it go. I told God when he was ready he was going to have to take it. And after a minute or two a STRONG wind just took it out of my hands. BUT IT GOT STUCK IN A TREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I am going back tomorrow to try again. I have had so MANY uplifting and encouraging words that I can never repay everyone. All the prayers and hugs means the world to me. I did actually have one person share with me that she went to see her grandmother and explained just how much of an impact she has on her life and that made every tear I shed while I wrote my poem worth it. BUT the funny thing is she never even saw my blog. She just had me on her mind. She also left me a very inspirational card in my mailbox that meant the world to me. Much encouraging scripture and just kind words. Even if she just signed it the thought of it was worth every tear I shed while I read it. THANKS ALLISON.Thanks to KP who came and spent the night just to help distract my mind and hug me in the morning and tell me that it's gonna be okay. Thanks to all the messages and comments I received I know each and everyone and they bless me every time I think of them. My Husband was a true GODSEND for me. He helped me be strong when I didn't think I could get up off the ground. He helped me breathe when I felt there was no air in my body. He is a great support system. AND YOU TO LINDSEY. I know you froze you r booty off while I had my panic attack and you got my medicine and helped me through it. I am blessed with such a great circle of friends and family. Today has been better . Not so many tears and I can breathe a little better. Still feel exhausted from the medicine though so I am going to say a good night to everyone and GOD BLESS YOU!!!!!!!!!